Listening to the Sara Bareilles song about leaving an asshole, I felt myself finally grasping what it’s all about!
I couldn’t handle not knowing what to do and so, instead, I found a way to boost my ego.
I should be happy for me. Dressing up for me. Being better for me. Loving me. And seriously putting me.
I know these are a lot of ‘Me’s but I’m not an egocentric person, much less a self-centered person. And not matter what people (my family included) told me about thinking about myself first, I never did.
Nor do I think I will, but something is finally changing, and for the better I hope. And it shall mark the end of my never-ending cue of one-sided crushes and boys being boys, taking everything they could get out of it, without giving anything back in return.
I must say that after giving the matter a lot of thought, it was finally clear, especially after my friend asked me this: Did any one of your crushes date someone after you had a crush on them?
They did.
Her next question was the eye-opener: Did any of these girls look or somehow is similar to you in any way?
They didn’t.
Then her next thought was: Did you ever dream up your Prince Charming when you were just a little girl?
I did.
And then: Did any of your crushes look like it was him?
They didn’t.
And that’s when it hit me. They never were what I truly wanted. I was settling. And so, hoping for the best, I won’t settle next time, or maybe bring my brains along with my heart. Because I know how foolish my heart can be.
I now stand warned. And will try to keep my heart for myself.
I’ll be alright, maybe not tonight, but I will be 🙂
For now, I’ll just enjoy soothing music.
Free as a bird
Life and Other Stuff 